Formula for the Strongest Marriage

Flee also youthful lusts but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Timothy 2:22).

What a simple yet profound and indeed far-reaching piece of wisdom to young Timothy: “Flee youth-fill lust”. Youth: the point when one has not connected the dots, the important things seem unimportant, and a proneness to discard the future in the present.  It is here where the seed of divorce and broken families are planted. It is said that the number one reason for divorce is money.  This is only because we’ve ignored and dismissed the impact of youthful fornication on the glue of marital consummation. Multiple sexual partners erode a man’s ability to be faithful to his wife; because, he becomes addicted to the pleasure of pursuit, finding it difficult to settle down. On the other hand, multiple sexual partners destroy a woman’s capacity to trust her husband; because, every breakup is another deep wound of distrust. For men the images of every sexual encounter create a thirst for new encounters. For women the wounds of every relationship haunt you with marital insecurity. The high cost of pre-marital sex is marital integrity and a natural binding intrinsic only to knowing one person sexually. In Genesis chapter three, one principle consequence of sin is that it makes life harder. If our spouse was the only man or woman we had known, there would be no images, no addiction to the chase, no relational wombs and no marital insecurities. It would be the marital bliss and fulfillment we sought by getting married in the first place; an experience that can only be known by virgins.

When We Remembered Zion

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion. (Psalm 137:1)

Their disobedience had brought them to Babylon. The river is indicative here of Babylon’s best. They were in the most plenteous, pleasant, pristine, productive place Babylon had to offer. The Babylonian’s first methodical philosophy was not oppression but one of impression. They sought to woo their captives into service. But when you belong to God, you can never feel comfortable in the world. You may ride in the best Bentley… You may live in the palatial Fifth Avenue Penthouse… You may party with a president and a princess… But the world’s prosperity cannot compare to being blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places. All of the world’s blissful places cannot replace the peace of God that passes all understanding. All of the world’s recognitions and accolades cannot measure up to one “Well done thy good and faithful servant”.

While in Zion, they worshiped the gods of Babylon: Baal and Ashtoreth… They demoralized their own priesthood… They persecuted and kill the prophets… Jeremiah prophesied, “I see a boiling pot tilted to the north”… In other words, the Babylonians are coming for us… and God’s going to step back and let them have their way. God gave them all the Babylon they wanted. And they did not like it!

And here they were in Babylon sitting down. “Sitting down” shows inactivity and deep reflection. The flesh fest was over. The fruitless festivities had ended. The stench of sin had reached heaven. And now in exile “they remembered!” As they wept, “they remembered!” Not in Jerusalem, but in Babylon, “they remembered!” Not by the Jordan, but by the Euphrates, “they remembered!” While being offered Babylon’s best, they were contemplating the high cost of their low living.

Saints, if you keep on playing with the world, God will let you have all of the world you want. He will exile you from a place of pleasure to a place of pain. That’s why they are there – Because every now and then, God will turn things upside down; He will put the world on top of the church for a season. He’ll let the sinners dominate the saints for a season. How long is that season? Until He stamps out the mess in you that won’t let Him bless you. How long is that season? – Until you are ready to show forth the praises of Him who has brought you out of darkness into the marvelous light. How long is that season? – Until there is no more you but only Him living in you, living for you, and living through you.

Sleeping through a Storm

And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? (Mark 4:37-38)

In Mark chapter 4 we find Jesus on a ship, sleep in a storm. We often overlook this revealed character trait of Christ for the more climactic one of the story. While everything around Him was frantic Jesus was at peace. The sea was raging, billows were rolling, breakers were dashing, waves were tossing and Jesus was sleeping. The ship was, no doubt, rocking and squealing in the rough sea, but Jesus is sleep. The disciples are working frantically to keep the water from filling and overcoming the ship, while at the same time trying to keep from being thrown overboard, and Jesus is sleeping. What a contrast to who we are and who He is. The disciples hold Jesus in contempt by accusing Him of not caring for them, when in fact He’s on the same boat they are on. He’s in the same storm they are in. What wisdom can we glean from this little encounter with a sleeping Jesus? Can we gather that an immediate response to the storms, boat rocking, chaotic confusion of people, is not always the best approach – that sometime we should remain asleep? Perhaps a Pastor should not always quickly intervene in church bickering? Or a parent should not always seek to quickly resolve sibling rivalry? This is surely not the course in every case, yet it should not be ignored that it is the course of Christ in this case. Sure, like Christ your incomprehensible peace of mind will be confused with not caring. But also like Christ, God just may be setting you up for glory, when you awake and easily speak peace to the tempest of turmoil you were calmly sleeping through moment ago.

A Built in Prayer Partner

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:26)

The Spirit helps us. What a prayer partner! A proper view of one's self must conclude that self needs help. A need for help is indicative of some sort of inadequacy, a weakness, a lack; here the scripture calls it "an infirmity." And if you don't know you are weak, God knows!!! The Spirit is not hired help. He is not help under our employ. He is the believer's built in prayer system.

In the verse the diacritical mark, the colon, makes "the weakness" an in ability to recognize one's own needs, "For we know not what we should pray for," Paul says. And how can we? I have often said, "If I knew as a young man what I knew today, how different I would be." But that is to know maturity without it; and such can never be. Maturity is the product of experience. And who can ask for the proper experience to bring about his maturation. But the Spirit stands between our pitiful prayers and God, interceding for us, with groans, pains, not that we will not utter, but that we cannot utter.

What person can request a trial? What man can partition God for pain? What believer could utter sincerely from his lips, "Lord, let me groan!" Yet groaning is what we need. Let me be the first to say, such an utterance is a chasm my prayers could never cross.

Yet in genuine efforts to offer comfort to hurting people, we've been there, put on the spot, with families and their love ones. They wanted prayer for the discomforts of life when we should pray for the comfort of death. They wanted prayer for the release of their criminal children, when we ought to pray that God will use the experience to deliver him from the demons that have brought him to this point. And many times in our own weakness and empathy, we submit those kinds of requests. But the Spirit will not accommodate the wimpy carnality of our flesh. The prayers of the Spirit will request for squash while I ask for cotton candy. The Spirit will pray for a mountain to climb, while I ask for a sliding board. The Spirit will pray for me to pump iron while I ask to blow feathers. I don't know what I ought to pray for, but the Spirit does. He utters prayers, on my behalf, in the throne room of God. Father, give him trouble and it will increase his faith. Father, give him pain and it will give him endurance. Father, make him wait and it will give him patience. Father, give him heaviness and it will increase his strength. Father, make him weary and tired, and he will learn to trust you.

Thank God for the Spirit, for His prayers. He searches me. He knows I am weak. He knows my praying falls short. And He utters in accordance with God's will for me. He utters what is most beneficial for my life. Thank God for the Spirit helping me, interceding for me, and uttering to the Father the need for trauma, trial, and trouble which I cannot utter for myself.

The Feminized Man

A Response to a Friend on Biblical Manhood

Generally men today have been emasculated by feminism. In the face of the lack of godly male role models, men have redefined a "good man" by a woman's perceived lack, as she would communicate it rather than the biblical definition of a man. Men and women are no more equal than Jesus and the church are equal. These ideologies have made haughty women very hard to get along with. A real man simply cannot put up with a rebellious woman. When women operate in their chaotic independence, there is no place for the man. If I perceive that I can provide all that I need in my life, then there is no place for God in my life. What can God do that I will appreciate? Furthermore, how can I appreciate Him as God? I cannot, for whatever He gives I can give myself, therefore I am equal to God.

This is the exact same problem with women being equal to men. The relationship between husband and wife is not a relationship of equality but of complimentary differences. In a crass since of speaking, a man needs to be trusted and needed; a woman desires security or protection by nature. Yet a woman attempts to be her own security thus the man provides nothing and is not "needed," but as it is said by the feminized culture, merely "wanted." Not only is this disorder destructive as evident in society today, but also both man and woman are left unfulfilled. Women are burdened and men are confused. We are not independent of one another. We are more than dependent. We are interdependent. However, the man and the woman bring two distinct things to the relationship. Biblically speaking, the woman is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7.) It needs to be understood that a woman is not defined by God but by man. Not only does man name her,

And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23

But she is made not for God but specifically for man and man not for her.

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. either was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

This teaches us that the woman was provided by God to meet the natural needs of the man. Simply put, a man will be completely frustrated when he is subject to being defined by the views of the woman. The idea of the woman seeking a "GOOD MAN" is a farce. Until this last century, the father of the woman determined who was a "good man" and who was not. It is interesting that the men women choose on their own are often the worst of men. There is nothing in the bible about telling a woman how to choose a man. However, there is much telling a man how to choose a woman.

Men are hurting because they are trying to operate like women. They are trying to fit in the feminist mold of a man. Men are now adorning themselves for the woman. They are now trying to be the quintessential househusband. A man is now required to give up his vision or at the very least compromise it for the aspirations of a woman. A man is built to be a leader, yet he has no follower. Men are allowing women to neglect in every way the very needs they have been put here to fill. They can't cook, clean, iron, and wash, which things are the nature of a nurturer. They are inadequate at properly raising kids alone, (which is the problem with the kids today,) and a woman should not be left to herself in this endeavor. The ultimate failure of the man is to leave a woman to her own thinking whether he is present or absent. To be passive on the important issue of the order that God has intended is wicked. Thus his frustration is at his very own hand. The man hurts, fails, and even leaves because he has failed to define his manhood by God's word. He allows women to define him and cast the burden of their expectation on him, yet to attempt to meet this expectation contradicts his nature. Then when he fails he thinks that something is wrong with him and feminism defines him as "NO GOOD." A man/husband must find his definition and purpose in God and God alone. Then he must take on the burden of conforming his wife to the image of his vision.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church. (Ephesians 5:25-29)

For a man, loving his wife is an endeavor of wisdom, just as Christ deals with the church in wisdom. In 1 Peter 3, we are told that a man must deal with his wife according to insight. A man should listen to what his wife may have to say concerning matters. However, she is not to challenge his authority as the Church does not challenge the authority of Christ. In other words, when her husband has determined not to do as she would like, then she is to abide in her husband's decision. Yet a husband must understand the difference between his wife's inability to comprehend his vision and rebellion against his vision, and then rule and lead accordingly. There could be a lack of knowledge, a lack of understanding, a lack of faith, or the anti-husband desire to take leadership, which is rebellion, yet all of these issues are to be dealt with differently.

I would be remiss if I did not say, that in dealing with your wife in understanding, there must be the consideration that you could be a contributor to your wife's area of lack or rebellion. If you are a terrible leader, lacking in genuine vision, while this will not at all excuse her rebellion before God, it is logical rebellion to not want to follow bad leadership. If a man never accomplishes set goals, and abandons every idea for the next, then her lack of faith is logical. You, as a man are failing at sanctifying your wife and presenting her blameless unto yourself. Again the church has faith in Christ because Christ is faithful. His track record provides the church with the proof of his character. He lavishes the church with the knowledge and understanding of His vision [Heaven]. Christ does not demand our faith without reason, but He earns faith by undeniable means. So much so that to not trust Him is condemnation unto such a one. This same high standard that Christ has met before His bride, the church, is the same one that a man must strive to obtain before his wife. No one may say that his lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, or lack of faith is due to Christ. No one may blame his rebellion on Christ's lack of good leadership. A man must strive to be blameless before his wife as Christ is blameless before the church.

A wife is never told to understand her husband, but only to be subject to him. There is no room left biblically for her to maneuver or do anything but submit. However this submission is a powerful influence for a woman and is in accord with her nature, as a woman is very influential without words. The approach of the man is far more direct, as he is to teach her. It only makes sense that to teach her he must understand her and deal with her accordingly. He must understand that she is his help and he cannot go on without teaching her his vision. This is what "heirs of grace together" means. Men will often mentally, if not physically, try to abandon their wife to accomplish there gold, however a man's prayer will be hindered by such an approach. Hindered spiritually, because God will not bless a man’s abandonment of His provision (a helpmeet) for his assigned work (It is not good that man be alone- Genesis 2:18.) Also hindered physically because we all know that wives want attention and want to be a part of their husband's activity, as they should. Peter is saying that we must include them by teaching them and dealing with them according to knowledge. Not overburdening them with responsibility, as they are the weaker vessel. As Ephesians 5:25-29 goes on to say, a man's duty concerning his wife is to sanctify her unto himself. That is, he must teach her to know him, his spirit, his character, his desires, and his vision. She must fit into his plan, and indeed contribute to that plan in a way that he himself is incapable of doing alone. "For it is not good that man be alone." He must present her to himself as a glorious wife, without blemish and blameless in his sight. She is to deny herself and take up his cross [vision] and follow him daily. She must abandon her own aspirations that conflicts with the vision of her husband, just as the church must abandon all that is in conflict with the agenda of Christ. When she does anything besides that, just like Peter she becomes the adversary to the husband's vision, thus she is anything but a helper.

It begs to question, if she is not helping, what is she doing? This is where men are afraid and sometimes just ineffective at carrying it out. There is help at getting this done in the proper church. In such a church, the women will help a wife understand her role and the men will help a husband define his role. God has the perfect wisdom. Men just will not hear it. They must overthrow the rebellion of their wife and lead. That's what men are too scared/passive/ignorant/or whatever the excuse is, to do.

In closing, I need to say that I do not believe a woman should be treated inferior by her husband as Christ never treats the church as inferior. He is indeed the LORD/MASTER, yet He is our brother. The marriage relationship is that of co-laborers, brother and sister in Christ. Yet just as the church is co-laborer with Christ, there is no misconception on the proper roles on the part of each party. In the same way, the Bible leaves no room for error concerning the role of the husband and that of the wife. A husband should always remember that he wants his wife to willfully and totally obey his God-given lordship. She should, in the most primary sense, love him because he first loved her.

Sealed Unto the Day of Redemption

Eph 4:30 And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

What a notion - That the Holy Spirit can be made sad. And we are always making Him sad. So much effort He makes, to help, to guide, often met with so much waywardness. But as much as He is grieved by our practices according to this verse, let me stress out of the same verse, He is never grieved in our position; For He affected that and it can never be unaffected. We are saved, the old songwriter said, “to the utmost” and He [the Holy Spirit] knows that, because He did it. And when he did it… He did it right. What did He do? He took me down low, when I thought I was something, and showed me I was nothing, - a transgressor, a lawbreaker, an evildoer, a worker of iniquity, a man of unclean lips, a blasphemer, wicked... Who you? Yes me! And if you’ve been done, He told you that too, about you. But here is the good news, He called me righteous, placed me among the saints, called me a son, made me an heir and joint heir… but most of all, in this text He sealed me. Like a gang, I’ve been initiated in and I got the tattoo on me. I’m in and there’s no getting out. I'm in unto the day of redemption.

You know, in my childhood, Church would start on Sunday morning, in that shot gun house of a building, turned into a church house, and my old great uncle Charlie, would get down on his knees, in that old wooden folding chair, and he would pray, “Lord, when I get down to that old Jordan River, stick my sword in the sandy banks of time, to study war no more…” Yes unto that day, I’ve been sealed. He got His mark on me. I can’t be put out. I can’t fall out. I can’t be knocked out. I can’t wear out. I can’t bow out. I can’t walk out.

Wait-a-minute! Can’t you mess up? Won’t God get tired of us? The text answers that in the three clauses of this verse. In the first, Paul points out what is possible in the present and the future – we can, and often do brethren, make the Holy Spirit sad. However, in the second clause he points out the irreversible past work of the Holy Spirit – He has sealed us – that is done and can’t be undone. That is Paul says, “Don’t grieve the One that has already sealed us.” Then in the third clause Paul tells us the extent and intent of the sealing – “unto the day of redemption,” not “until”… but “unto.” “Until” indicates “extent” alone. But “unto” indicates extent and intent. You were not only sealed to the point of the arrival of that day, but you are sealed for the purpose of that day as well.

One morning, my wife and I were just about ready for church. We had put my one and a half year old son on a little two piece suit, a nice little tie and shoes. But when we were ready to go out of the door we found him, in the bathroom playing in the toilet, soaking wet. He had so disappointed us, as we really had dressed him up for that day. Yet he had no regard for our intent, or that day.

That’s what Paul is saying, The Holy Ghost is not made happy in the fact that he has dressed us up for that day and we go and play in the toilet. He sealed us – that is His job, our job is to act like we’ve been sealed… look like we’ve been seal… walk like we’ve been seal… talk like we’ve been sealed…. But here’s the good news, if you fail to do your part, his part will never fail… He’s grieved but He’ll hold you… He’s saddened but He’ll hold you… He’s displeased but He’ll hold you… Unto the day of redemption… unto the day of glory… All the way… The hymnologist appropriately penned...

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father; There is no shadow of turning with Thee;Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not; As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.