The Feminized Man

A Response to a Friend on Biblical Manhood

Generally men today have been emasculated by feminism. In the face of the lack of godly male role models, men have redefined a "good man" by a woman's perceived lack, as she would communicate it rather than the biblical definition of a man. Men and women are no more equal than Jesus and the church are equal. These ideologies have made haughty women very hard to get along with. A real man simply cannot put up with a rebellious woman. When women operate in their chaotic independence, there is no place for the man. If I perceive that I can provide all that I need in my life, then there is no place for God in my life. What can God do that I will appreciate? Furthermore, how can I appreciate Him as God? I cannot, for whatever He gives I can give myself, therefore I am equal to God.

This is the exact same problem with women being equal to men. The relationship between husband and wife is not a relationship of equality but of complimentary differences. In a crass since of speaking, a man needs to be trusted and needed; a woman desires security or protection by nature. Yet a woman attempts to be her own security thus the man provides nothing and is not "needed," but as it is said by the feminized culture, merely "wanted." Not only is this disorder destructive as evident in society today, but also both man and woman are left unfulfilled. Women are burdened and men are confused. We are not independent of one another. We are more than dependent. We are interdependent. However, the man and the woman bring two distinct things to the relationship. Biblically speaking, the woman is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7.) It needs to be understood that a woman is not defined by God but by man. Not only does man name her,

And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23

But she is made not for God but specifically for man and man not for her.

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. either was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

This teaches us that the woman was provided by God to meet the natural needs of the man. Simply put, a man will be completely frustrated when he is subject to being defined by the views of the woman. The idea of the woman seeking a "GOOD MAN" is a farce. Until this last century, the father of the woman determined who was a "good man" and who was not. It is interesting that the men women choose on their own are often the worst of men. There is nothing in the bible about telling a woman how to choose a man. However, there is much telling a man how to choose a woman.

Men are hurting because they are trying to operate like women. They are trying to fit in the feminist mold of a man. Men are now adorning themselves for the woman. They are now trying to be the quintessential househusband. A man is now required to give up his vision or at the very least compromise it for the aspirations of a woman. A man is built to be a leader, yet he has no follower. Men are allowing women to neglect in every way the very needs they have been put here to fill. They can't cook, clean, iron, and wash, which things are the nature of a nurturer. They are inadequate at properly raising kids alone, (which is the problem with the kids today,) and a woman should not be left to herself in this endeavor. The ultimate failure of the man is to leave a woman to her own thinking whether he is present or absent. To be passive on the important issue of the order that God has intended is wicked. Thus his frustration is at his very own hand. The man hurts, fails, and even leaves because he has failed to define his manhood by God's word. He allows women to define him and cast the burden of their expectation on him, yet to attempt to meet this expectation contradicts his nature. Then when he fails he thinks that something is wrong with him and feminism defines him as "NO GOOD." A man/husband must find his definition and purpose in God and God alone. Then he must take on the burden of conforming his wife to the image of his vision.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church. (Ephesians 5:25-29)

For a man, loving his wife is an endeavor of wisdom, just as Christ deals with the church in wisdom. In 1 Peter 3, we are told that a man must deal with his wife according to insight. A man should listen to what his wife may have to say concerning matters. However, she is not to challenge his authority as the Church does not challenge the authority of Christ. In other words, when her husband has determined not to do as she would like, then she is to abide in her husband's decision. Yet a husband must understand the difference between his wife's inability to comprehend his vision and rebellion against his vision, and then rule and lead accordingly. There could be a lack of knowledge, a lack of understanding, a lack of faith, or the anti-husband desire to take leadership, which is rebellion, yet all of these issues are to be dealt with differently.

I would be remiss if I did not say, that in dealing with your wife in understanding, there must be the consideration that you could be a contributor to your wife's area of lack or rebellion. If you are a terrible leader, lacking in genuine vision, while this will not at all excuse her rebellion before God, it is logical rebellion to not want to follow bad leadership. If a man never accomplishes set goals, and abandons every idea for the next, then her lack of faith is logical. You, as a man are failing at sanctifying your wife and presenting her blameless unto yourself. Again the church has faith in Christ because Christ is faithful. His track record provides the church with the proof of his character. He lavishes the church with the knowledge and understanding of His vision [Heaven]. Christ does not demand our faith without reason, but He earns faith by undeniable means. So much so that to not trust Him is condemnation unto such a one. This same high standard that Christ has met before His bride, the church, is the same one that a man must strive to obtain before his wife. No one may say that his lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, or lack of faith is due to Christ. No one may blame his rebellion on Christ's lack of good leadership. A man must strive to be blameless before his wife as Christ is blameless before the church.

A wife is never told to understand her husband, but only to be subject to him. There is no room left biblically for her to maneuver or do anything but submit. However this submission is a powerful influence for a woman and is in accord with her nature, as a woman is very influential without words. The approach of the man is far more direct, as he is to teach her. It only makes sense that to teach her he must understand her and deal with her accordingly. He must understand that she is his help and he cannot go on without teaching her his vision. This is what "heirs of grace together" means. Men will often mentally, if not physically, try to abandon their wife to accomplish there gold, however a man's prayer will be hindered by such an approach. Hindered spiritually, because God will not bless a man’s abandonment of His provision (a helpmeet) for his assigned work (It is not good that man be alone- Genesis 2:18.) Also hindered physically because we all know that wives want attention and want to be a part of their husband's activity, as they should. Peter is saying that we must include them by teaching them and dealing with them according to knowledge. Not overburdening them with responsibility, as they are the weaker vessel. As Ephesians 5:25-29 goes on to say, a man's duty concerning his wife is to sanctify her unto himself. That is, he must teach her to know him, his spirit, his character, his desires, and his vision. She must fit into his plan, and indeed contribute to that plan in a way that he himself is incapable of doing alone. "For it is not good that man be alone." He must present her to himself as a glorious wife, without blemish and blameless in his sight. She is to deny herself and take up his cross [vision] and follow him daily. She must abandon her own aspirations that conflicts with the vision of her husband, just as the church must abandon all that is in conflict with the agenda of Christ. When she does anything besides that, just like Peter she becomes the adversary to the husband's vision, thus she is anything but a helper.

It begs to question, if she is not helping, what is she doing? This is where men are afraid and sometimes just ineffective at carrying it out. There is help at getting this done in the proper church. In such a church, the women will help a wife understand her role and the men will help a husband define his role. God has the perfect wisdom. Men just will not hear it. They must overthrow the rebellion of their wife and lead. That's what men are too scared/passive/ignorant/or whatever the excuse is, to do.

In closing, I need to say that I do not believe a woman should be treated inferior by her husband as Christ never treats the church as inferior. He is indeed the LORD/MASTER, yet He is our brother. The marriage relationship is that of co-laborers, brother and sister in Christ. Yet just as the church is co-laborer with Christ, there is no misconception on the proper roles on the part of each party. In the same way, the Bible leaves no room for error concerning the role of the husband and that of the wife. A husband should always remember that he wants his wife to willfully and totally obey his God-given lordship. She should, in the most primary sense, love him because he first loved her.