My friend Joe asked me, “How do you get passed the attitudes and hurtful dispositions of others?” To which I replied, “I play to win.” In other words, I try to keep my mind on what it takes to get a “well done” from God in every situation. That is the defining trait of a matured believer; every situation is an opportunity to profit eternally.
In I Corinthians 9, Paul lays out three contests that believers of the faith must overcome in order to bear fruit as a father (soul-winner/fruit bearer) in the faith. They are in reverse order in the text; because, his focus is ultimately on winning people. However, there are two prerequisites to winning people: winning against your body, and winning against the culture that has the person imprisoned. So the goal is winning against the person, which requires winning against the culture, which requires winning against one’s own flesh.
First of all, if we do not discipline our own bodies, (i.e. attitude, arguments, and actions) we can hardly hope to endure the difficult course of successfully infiltrating a culture that holds a person hostage or winning against the resistance of the person you are intending to win. Worse even, Paul says it is possible to win, and after having run the course to win, one ends up being a cast away; because, the person sees hypocrisy.
But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. (1Co 9:27)
Paul points out potential loss; because, the person one seeks to reach views a weakness in behavior because of a lack of discipline over the body against sin. That's right; you won the battle but lost the war; because, your vise has outshone your virtue in the eyes of the person you sought to win.
Secondly we must overcome the culture that holds them captive. This involves what I call the “art of condescension.” Paul says,
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. (1Co 9:19-22)
It is to become not sympathetic but empathetic with a person for the purpose of winning them over. The difference between sympathy and empathy is this: sympathy sits down at the foot of a mountain and weeps with a person about the difficulty of climbing the mountain; empathy on the other hand, puts its arm around the person and says I understand, but come on let’s climb the mountain together; “Condescension = humility + compassion + edification.” In other words, one becomes a servant to another in his area of weakness by entering into his situation. As someone aptly put it, "compassion is your pain in my heart".
The culture is a stronghold, a wall, which must not be assaulted by carnal combat, but marched around in faith and obedience, trusting and depending on the word of God to make the difference.
Now we are ready to win against the person, (i.e. against his ideology), armed with goodness against disorder, knowledge against tactic, temperance against attitude, patience against obstinacy, godliness against worldliness, kindness against weaknesses, and love against debt. This will enable you to pull down the stronghold that encompasses the person and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
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